Everything seems worse when you have back pain. I don't even want to get into all the problems with my back. Let's just say after 4 days of bone-wrenching, joint-creaking fun I had given some thought to cutting my own spine out with a butcher knife.
I find some solace in flexeril and Lortabs, but even they hardly numb it, and I guess falling asleep is too much to ask of the pills that usually knock me out or for a loop. All they are doing is making suicide less of an imagined option.
I know that God is in charge. I'm glad, because I'd botch it all up, and so would everyone else.
It's a mixed emotion. It's part fear of the unknown, and it's part fear of what I'll be asked to perform, and if I'd be able to do so. When will it end? Will it get even worse than it is right now? (Which makes labor pain seem laughable).
And yes, I've had labor pain. I was having hyper-uterine contractions before they cut the first child out that would have killed me if they had not took action. I was slipping away from the inability to endure any more painful contractions. Don't tell me that I don't know what labor pain is, just because it ended in a c-section!!!
Here lately, with shingles, all my pills I've taken every day for years, back pain, muscle spasms and a strained knee, not to mention sore throat and bronchitis... I just kind of wonder when it will be done, and God will see fit to say, "That's enough!"
Or will it come to even worse?
I am trying so hard to have faith. I try to gain comfort from realizing it's not just me. I am not the only one. But, really, it doesn't do that much for you to know that. It should, and faith should be enough- but times like this always cause me to see that my faith is not nearly where it should be.
Time to take the walking with God UP A NOTCH. Or ten thousand.
I am completely aware of those sick and one foot in the grave, all around me, and I feel for them... but it's hard to feel for them too long before another wicked spasm takes my thoughts back to myself.
I find some solace in flexeril and Lortabs, but even they hardly numb it, and I guess falling asleep is too much to ask of the pills that usually knock me out or for a loop. All they are doing is making suicide less of an imagined option.
I know that God is in charge. I'm glad, because I'd botch it all up, and so would everyone else.
It's a mixed emotion. It's part fear of the unknown, and it's part fear of what I'll be asked to perform, and if I'd be able to do so. When will it end? Will it get even worse than it is right now? (Which makes labor pain seem laughable).
And yes, I've had labor pain. I was having hyper-uterine contractions before they cut the first child out that would have killed me if they had not took action. I was slipping away from the inability to endure any more painful contractions. Don't tell me that I don't know what labor pain is, just because it ended in a c-section!!!
Here lately, with shingles, all my pills I've taken every day for years, back pain, muscle spasms and a strained knee, not to mention sore throat and bronchitis... I just kind of wonder when it will be done, and God will see fit to say, "That's enough!"
Or will it come to even worse?
I am trying so hard to have faith. I try to gain comfort from realizing it's not just me. I am not the only one. But, really, it doesn't do that much for you to know that. It should, and faith should be enough- but times like this always cause me to see that my faith is not nearly where it should be.
Time to take the walking with God UP A NOTCH. Or ten thousand.
I am completely aware of those sick and one foot in the grave, all around me, and I feel for them... but it's hard to feel for them too long before another wicked spasm takes my thoughts back to myself.
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