Mourning Over My Sins

Every time I think about the sins I've committed in life, and how I've treated others... it just makes me sad. 

I went through a great deal of my life not really thinking too much about anyone but myself.  I kind of looked at others as if they didn't have feelings. 

Then, I did realize that others had feelings, but I didn't treat them carefully.

Later on, I realized that others had feelings, and I wanted to treat people right, but be it my own ideas of a joke, or even anger- I still made plenty of idiotic decisions in my own behavior.

And now I can see, that when people step on me, I need to be patient and forgiving... because where would I be if someone had not put up with me?

Somehow being loved and respected by those people seems less and less important. 

Some people I have a burden to help, and some I know I could do nothing for them but pray and hope the best for them.

I don't know.  Maybe I didn't think I'd live this long... to see people I looked up to as a child... they are just people.  I don't know whether to rejoice that God has brought me to where I can see it, or to mourn that maybe they didn't get all the chances and patience that I received.

And to think that maybe that's where they are today.  In so many ways, they are lost, broken, and sad.  Like a ruined city that is trying to relive a lost dream, but can never quite find it again.

I can't believe it took me this long to wake up to so many things.  

It would be so easy to just say that atheists are right, and we just die when we die.  That what we do in this life does not matter or really count, so live however"".  But, I do know better.

I do know that God is not only real, but awesome!  And a God to be feared! 

And if He's ever taught me anything, it is that what I say and do matters.